Heat of the Moment Page 9

  “Guess you don’t go out checking the singles’ clubs. What did you call it—the ‘sexual rat race’?”

  “Nope, not for me.”

  He hesitated, then asked, “So are you saying that you don’t date? At all?”

  Josie raised her eyes to his. “No, I don’t. Why?”

  “Just curious. You’re attractive. You like men, I assume.”

  “I’m heterosexual, if that’s what you mean.”

  “But you don’t like meeting men? I imagine there are lots of guys who would like to meet you.”

  She sipped her coffee and set the cup down. “Think so? I’m afraid I probably wouldn’t be interested in meeting ninety-nine percent of them.”

  “I didn’t mean to hit a sore spot. It’s just interesting that you’re so set on staying single. Are you really that happy being alone?”

  Josie poked at her salad. “I’m content.”

  “But not happy?”

  “Happiness is a fleeting thing. Look, I’ll cut to the chase for you. I’m a heterosexual woman, but there aren’t many men that I find attractive. And that’s the long and the short of it.”

  What a puzzling statement, he thought. “You seem to like me, so far.”

  She smiled. “You may be one of the one percent I do like.”

  “Because I’m in a wheelchair?” he bluntly asked.

  Josie hesitated, then gave him a direct look. “Yes. That’s probably why I feel halfway comfortable with you.”

  Only halfway. He pondered her words. “I don’t mean to pry, and you’re certainly not obligated to give me any explanations, but… I can’t help but wonder. Did something happen to you in the past? I’ve sensed all along that you’re a little leery of male contact. You weren’t molested or anything like that, I hope.”

  Josie looked down and seemed uncertain how to respond. Immediately Peter regretted asking her such a pointed question.

  “You don’t have to answer, Josie. I’m sorry I asked such a personal thing.”

  She looked up again, her eyes searching his, as if she were weighing whether she could trust him. “I’ll answer the question. I am cautious around men. And, yes, there’s a reason. No, I wasn’t molested.”

  Peter relaxed a little. “Thank God!”

  “When I was a senior in college, I got a crush on a guy named Max in my chemistry class. I was a very conscientious student and hadn’t dated much. But I thought Max was handsome and he was one of the few guys who made grades as high as mine. Most college guys aren’t attracted to girls who are brainier than they are. And by the same token, I found it difficult to be attracted to men who seemed slower on the uptake than me. So when Max asked me out, I was happy. After we dated several months, he wanted…you know…”

  “Sex?”

  She nodded. “I was very inexperienced—the only virgin left in my dorm. I wanted to get that over with. And I thought I’d fallen in love with him. He seemed thoughtful and nice. So I agreed. I…went to bed with him. And, well…it just wasn’t the experience I thought it would be.”

  Peter didn’t know what to make of what she’d told him. “The guy was clumsy?”

  Josie shook her head. “Clumsy, I wouldn’t have minded. I felt clumsy, too, since it was my first time. Maybe that was why….” She paused. “Something seemed to make him mad at me. I don’t know what I did. But he called me a—a bitch, said he knew I’d like it rough…and that’s how…” Tears filled her eyes, and she stopped speaking.

  “He roughed you up while he…?”

  Josie mutely nodded, blinking hard.

  Peter bowed his head in dismay. No wonder she was afraid of men. “Josie, it sounds to me like he raped you.”

  “No.” She shook her head vigorously. “I agreed to sleep with him. I wanted to. But I guess I’d totally misjudged him, because he got so mean. I don’t know why, what it was about me that made him so angry.”

  “Did you tell him to stop?”

  “N-no. I tried to push away, but he wouldn’t let me. So I just endured it. I was too scared to try to fight him. He was a lot stronger than me, and I was afraid if I fought, he’d get even more rough with me.”

  Peter exhaled and leaned back in his chair, angry that any man would treat a woman that way. “I’m sorry that happened to you. But, Josie, you tried to push him away. That was as good as saying no. He forced you.”

  “But I agreed.”

  “Not to that. You thought it would be a caring, loving experience, because you liked him. But that’s not what you got from him.”

  “No. He didn’t seem to like me anymore! He was nice enough until we got into bed. And then suddenly it was like he hated me.”

  “He probably hated women.”

  “Maybe it was because I was so inexperienced,” she went on as if she hadn’t heard him. “It must have been something I did or said. My mom and my girlfriends always said it wasn’t my fault, but…” She shook her head.

  “They’re exactly right! It wasn’t your fault.”

  “But they’re women, like me,” she argued. “How would they know what was in his mind, or who was to blame? They don’t understand men any better than I do.”

  Peter stared at her. What was he, some sort of neutered being sitting across from her? “Josie, look at me.”

  Her troubled eyes met his.

  “I’m a man telling you that guy mistreated you! If it wasn’t rape, it was the next thing to it. No woman deserves to be treated roughly, or to have her wishes ignored. If you don’t believe your women friends, you ought to believe me. I may be in this wheelchair now, but five months ago I was still an active male, out there in the dating scene. I do know how men think. And I’m telling you that guy’s behavior was abnormal. You did nothing wrong, Josie. You’re so gentle, what could you have possibly done wrong? It was not your fault! Do you believe me?”

  Josie appeared dumbfounded for a long moment, her eyes wide and tentative, as if her mind were adjusting to a startling new concept. She wiped a tear from her cheek, still looking bewildered, but as if a lightbulb had been switched on inside her head.

  Another tear rolled down her cheek, but she managed a smile. “Yes, I think I do believe you. It sounds different hearing it in a male voice.” She nodded to him gratefully, barely managing to whisper, “Thank you.”

  Her hand was resting on the table in a limp fist. Peter reached across to squeeze her fingers in a reassuring gesture. But immediately, she withdrew her hand from his.

  “Sorry.” He swallowed, realizing he’d done the wrong thing. “I only meant to comfort you.”

  Josie wiped new tears from her face. “No, I know. I just didn’t want to be touched.”

  “That’s okay.” He sighed, not knowing exactly what to say. Now that he’d reminded her, she did see him as a male again. “Bringing that ugly memory back to the surface reminds you of your fear of men. I shouldn’t have tried to touch you. I’m sorry.”

  Josie gave her eye one last wipe with the palm of her hand. She grinned bravely, and reached across the table with both hands. “It’s okay. I’ll take your hand. Just to show we’re okay with each other.”

  Peter cautiously extended his hand again, and she took it, pressing it between her palms.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I think what you told me is what I’ve needed to hear. I’ve never discussed what happened with a man before.”

  Peter felt emotional himself. And proud of her. Considering what had happened to her, Josie was being extremely courageous by confiding in him and in reaching out to him. Her small hands felt hot and nervous around his. But he felt her appreciation and admired her in a way he’d never admired a woman before. She had character, an inner sense of dignity, and the resilience to overcome her instinctive fear.

  But she’d given him a lot to think about. So that was her secret, the sorrow that never was said. He wanted to help her become the whole woman she ought to be. He wanted to show her how tender and fulfilling sex could be. Not only for her sake,
of course. For himself, too. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met, inside and out, and he wanted to experience that defining moment with her. Wanted to be there with her when she was trembling on the brink of overcoming her pain to discover all the passion and pleasure she’d missed. Peter wanted to be the one to help her make that leap of faith into shared intimacy. But how?

  He could bring her along little by little, with playful, increasingly sexual overtures. But eventually she’d see what he was up to and get nervous, especially when she figured out he wasn’t impotent. The thought of having intercourse with a man, any man, probably still scared the hell out of her, after what she’d been through.

  What if he talked it over with her, asked her if she’d let him help her get over her fear? He’d rather find a way to be straightforward with her than use strategies to coax her into sex. She wouldn’t want to be seduced, and Peter didn’t want to feel that that was what he was doing.

  Yes, the straightforward, cards-on-the-table approach seemed best. Still, she might think it pretty odd to have a man offer to help her overcome her fear, using a this-is-for-your-own-good approach. She wasn’t stupid. She’d figure out it was all because he wanted her. And once she knew that, what then?

  As Josie blotted her eyes with her napkin, Peter sighed. This was a conundrum that would take patience and sensitivity to solve. But Josie was worth the trouble.

  AS THE CLOCK on the wall of the cottage lab neared midnight, Josie was getting slaphappy from freedom and fatigue. Her new sense of freedom came from Peter finding the way to make her believe what her women friends had all told her—that she’d done nothing to deserve what had happened to her during her first and only sex experience. She was still getting used to the idea, but she felt as if a burden of doubt and guilt had been lifted from her shoulders. She felt buoyant and carefree.

  But they’d been working in the lab all day, and fatigue was beginning to overtake her. She brought the computer printout she’d been working on over to Peter, who sat in his wheelchair at the lab table writing up some notes.

  “It’s finished,” she said, pulling over a chair so she could sit next to him. “Should we send it over to Al?”

  “It’s a little late,” Peter said lightly. “Even Al may have gone home by now.”

  She laughed, realizing he was teasing her again. “I didn’t mean this minute. Monday morning.”

  “We’ll have Amy, our secretary, come over to pick it up.” A new thought seemed to come to him. “Or we could go over there ourselves. You haven’t seen the office and plant yet, have you? I should introduce you to the rest of the staff.”

  Josie nodded. “Okay. I’d like to meet everyone. But will Al want the information tomorrow? Does he work on Saturday?”

  “Sometimes. But I talked to him earlier, and he’s taking tomorrow off.”

  Peter leafed through the sheets of data she’d given him, then wheeled himself to a file cabinet just behind him. He opened a drawer and took out a large white envelope and a small tin box that had Godiva written on the lid.

  “Godiva?” she said as he wheeled next to her again and set the box on the steel table.

  “Amy likes chocolates.”

  “Oh. So why is the box here instead of at her desk?”

  Peter glanced at her, eyes twinkling as he slipped the data sheets into the large envelope. “We decided she needs to go on a diet.”

  Josie caught the twinkle in his eyes, but she didn’t get what he was saying. “So you stole her chocolates?”

  “Mean of me, wasn’t it?”

  “Well, yeah!” Josie laughed. Maybe she was too tired to get the joke.

  Peter licked the envelope flap and folded it down, smoothing it with his hands until it stuck. Josie enjoyed watching his hands as he worked. They were big and masculine, but he had a deft touch. She remembered how they’d felt on her body when she’d fallen into his lap. She had the unsettling desire to have that happen again. Her libido was really getting out of hand. It was midnight, she was exhausted and yet she still couldn’t stop thinking about Peter.

  “Now,” he told her, “we have to seal it with a kiss.”

  Josie snapped out of her reverie and rubbed her bleary eyes. “You sealed it just now.”

  He turned and looked at her. “Not with a kiss.”

  Oh, God, don’t keep saying that word. She didn’t feel strong enough just now to think about kissing. She was emotionally wrung out. “Why does it need a kiss?”

  “Maybe it’s lonely.”

  Thank goodness, he was only joking. Josie started laughing again. “Poor old envelope. How exactly do you seal it with a kiss?”

  He pulled off the lid of the Godiva tin.

  “With chocolate?” she asked. But there were no chocolates in the tin. She watched him lift out a flat container and something made out of wood. “What’s that?”

  “A rubber stamp and ink.”

  Josie sighed as she thought this over. “A rubber stamp. Okay,” she said as Peter kept his eyes on her face, clearly enjoying her puzzlement. “So where’s the kiss?”

  In the next half second he darted toward her and wrapped one arm around her shoulders as he planted a kiss on her cheek, near her mouth. She felt the strength of his arm and the rough stubble of his beard. Moist breath from his nostrils warmed her skin.

  And then it was over. He let go and leaned back into his wheelchair again, studying her with an interested expression in his eyes, and an ever so slightly smug smile. Josie felt like a twirling top and had to gather her wits about her.

  “I guess I’d better not ask any more questions!” Her voice came out breathless.

  She felt exhilarated…and nervous. But it was a good kind of nervous.

  He looked at her with big, shining eyes. “On the contrary,” he said, clearly enjoying himself, “how can you learn your job unless you ask questions?”

  “That was part of my job?”

  “You wanted to know what sealed with a kiss meant. I was demonstrating.”

  She fell into a fit of laughter, her shoulders shaking. “But how does kissing me seal the envelope?”

  “It was the theory I was demonstrating.”

  “What theory?”

  He opened up the ink pad and pressed the rubber stamp into it. Then he stamped the sealed edge of the envelope’s flap. He kept on stamping, leaving a line of hearts in red ink on the envelope.

  “The theory is,” he said as he dipped the stamp into the ink again, “that stamping all the seams and sealed edges is a way of making sure no one can open the envelope without detection. After our computer system was hacked into, we decided we needed to take precautions. This was a quick, low-tech way to see to it that our hard-copy documents weren’t tampered with. We sent Amy out to buy us a stamp. She came back with this heart stamp she found at a nearby drug store. So it became a joke among our employees that we were sealing our envelopes with kisses.”

  By now he was finished stamping. A row of red hearts lined not only the edge of the flap, but the seam running down the middle of the envelope’s back and the bottom sealed edge, as well. Josie had to chuckle because it looked comical. Still, she was confused.

  “All right, I see now what you’re doing,” she said, trying to be serious. “But how did kissing me demonstrate the theory?”

  His eyes looked both mischievous and sheepish. “You being a confirmed single gal and all, I thought you might need to be reminded what a kiss was.”

  Josie reached for the envelope, took it in both hands and swatted him on top of his head. “If you weren’t in that wheelchair, I’d rubber stamp hearts all over your behind!”

  Laughing, Peter held his hands in front of his head to protect himself in case she attacked again. “Sweetheart, you can stamp me wherever you want!”

  “Oooh, you would say that! Men!” She lifted the envelope to swat him again.

  He grabbed her wrist and took the envelope away. “We want the data in one piece when we deliver it, Josie
. Find something else to hit me with.”

  “Find something else?”

  “Sure. Slap me around, if you want.”

  She fell into another fit of laughter. “How can I give you your comeuppance if you enjoy your punishment?”

  “Any punishment from you would be sweet.” His eyes grew large again, filling with playful messages.

  “You’re impossible! You flirt with me, no matter what I say or do. I think you used this whole stamp business just to steal a kiss! You probably made up the whole story—”

  “No,” he insisted, crossing his heart with his fingertip. “Ask Amy when you meet her. Or anyone there. Sealed with a kiss is one of Frameworks’ inside jokes.”

  Josie believed him, but she still felt feisty. “A kiss on the cheek doesn’t demonstrate anything about sealing envelopes!”

  He turned an unsettling gaze on her. “No,” he said with quiet sincerity, “but maybe I was hoping a little kiss might help seal up a wounded heart.”

  Peter appeared so handsome and caring as he said these words, it was almost painful, like a sweet jab deep in her abdomen. “Peter…”

  “Men and women can have fun together, Josie. It doesn’t have to be scary.”

  She smiled as she blinked moisture from her eyes. “I’m not afraid of you.”

  He nodded, looking pleased. “You told me that the day you first came to my house. But this time, I believe you.”

  She sat there, thinking back on that first day and how frightened she’d been. Things had changed so much since then. All at once she realized he was leaning toward her. She looked into his eyes as his head drew nearer and found herself hypnotized by his calm gaze. Her instincts grew alert. She knew what he was doing. He was going to kiss her again, and this time he wasn’t taking her by surprise. Her eyes went to his sensual mouth. Oh, God, she wanted to run. But she willed herself to stay in her seat. She’d had a little taste of what those lips felt like. If she could be brave enough to hold still, not bolt from the situation, let it happen…she could have that sublime experience again. It was just a kiss, she told herself as she felt his hand settle on her shoulder and pull her toward him as he leaned even closer. His touch was so tender, she knew he’d never hurt her. His mouth was an inch from hers now. Oh…my…God…